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From: Cheryl Williams
Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 7:14 PM Subject: Relationships To:
My perspective of why some relationships
don't work?
Thanks, Cheryl E.
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| My perspective of why some relationships don't
work? Unreal expectations. A couple should sit down and each person should make a list of what he or she expects from his or her spouse. The list should cover as many scenarios as possible. Maybe take an hour to complete the list. The couple should then exchange lists. As each person examines the other persons list he or she should comment on each item. For example the woman can tell the man item 17 just isn't going to happen and you must be crazy to expect it. Clear these kinds of concerns before the nuptials. Problems occur in relationships when behavior occurs that the other partner did not expect. People are human. All humans are imperfect. No one is going to do everything you expect an ideal spouse will do. Keep it real. Examine care why you are attracted to a person. Bulging body parts is not a reason to "hook up". Sadly sex cannot sustain a relationship. a great question to ask is NOT what is your sign but rather, where do you see yourself five years from today? William Lambert wlambert7@comcast.net |
| WHY I THINK RELATIONSHIPS DON’T WORK When I was growing up, the only model for relationships were those of my parents, my relatives, and their friends. I witnessed a lot of dysfunctional individuals struggling through rough times and trying to keep the family together. Most of the men that I saw consumed a lot of alcoholic beverages, smoked plenty of cigarettes and hung out together as they aired their grievances’ for all the hell they were catching form the white man and their wives. The women of course, stayed in church praying for their husbands to be saved by the blood of Jesus. The women did most of the rearing of children as they stayed home building up anger because their men where out having what some called, a good time. That was the only model I saw for relationships and they were far from being good. There were lots of fighting, stabbings, profanity, anger, breakups, make ups, lying, and acting a fool in front of the children. Because I witnessed all of the above, my marriage was definitely going to be different; how different, I had no clue. Since I was not taught any skills of selecting and keeping a mate, my knowledge was limited to obeying my husband because the Bible said so. No teachings on finances, family planning, decision making, career, love, sex, or anything. I was on my own in the school of learning. Some of the main problems that arose in my marriage was finances; not having enough money to keep up with the lifestyle of the Jones. I felt inferior in my relationship. I suffered from low self esteem, I was not properly educated, I had no knowledge of self, no voice as an equal partner in decision making, and no freedom to evolve into the person that was inside of me. Instead, I sacrificed my happiness in order to make others happy. I allowed my husband to control me as if I had no mind of my own. There were no educational classes on courtship and marriage in my high school or church. I saw no good role models to shape my thinking of how a good relationship should be. Most marriages ended in divorce because of finance, infidelity, child rearing issues, incompatibility, physical and mental abuse, etc My marriage was a class in itself that taught me that the love of self is very important. The knowledge of self is a must. Feeling good about yourself and your ancestral background, gives you a sense of pride, self-esteem, power, self-worth, and a sense of belonging. Being in harmony with your mate is a key factor in having a good marriage. Havinah Zari Aur |
| Why relationships don't work It's usually a physical attraction and people don't really know each other. They don't really talk. Our mosque kind of insisted that all lieutenants be married. I felt a little pushed to hurry up and get married. I wanted to wait until I had a house, two cars and financial security. But I felt my organization was saying don't wait do it now. I did and it didn't it last. When my organization change leaders, it change agendas. We left the organization and that was the glue that held us together. The glue was gone.
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